Muti-Racial and Muti-Sexual

Una morenita born to a pale white mother who swears she’s just a few shades lighter, who swears she will always be brighter. My mother is what we call

un come mierlda

willing to eat shit, willing to be proud of it, willing to throw it in my face. My mother will probably die a nervous neck ship wreck, will probably dance deep with dread during her last breath and I still wish her peace, still wish she wasn’t a leech trying to slurp my blood,trying to murder my fun. She is why everyone that loves me

is missing

a mother.

She is why it is easier for me to be the side bitch

She is why I only know love

To be suffocating

Like..

“You take up a lot of space, but..”

“You have a really gorgeous face, but..”

“I know you said you needed a break, but..”

“Being alone is a safer thing, but…”

We don’t sleep until I am babied, hair braided

Foot rubbed, unresolved stress. But I still an Empress and you,

You breathe like you haven’t told the truth since before you were born

You will probably die scorned

You will probably die un adored

You taste like you haven’t had a home cooked meal in decades.

I am the only surprise gift who can tell your fake laugh from your real one.

I am the spring seed that you can’t put shit past.

On the day we are forced to celebrate you my heart

is soothed by tunes

that scream we just ain’t cool like we used to

I used to carry your tragedies on me like they housed my only identities but I have choice. Privilege. Power. And I’ll be damned if I don’t use it.

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